
You say the words "I love you" over and over, with feeling and trying to convince the other person how deep you care for him or her. I'm sometimes not the best with emotions, and I feel like I have been in love, at least twice in my life, before meeting Matt. I fell hard for one, got my heart broken more than any sappy Lifetime movie and I don't think I fully recovered from that until sort of recently. I ended a relationship last January, and went on a couple interesting dates. (dentist, minister, starbucks barista, pool guy). I felt like I was searching and searching for Mr. Right, and I don't know. Part of me was scared to be alone, because it's the worst feeling in the world for me. I have always felt lonely, even with tons of friends around me, doing what I love. There was always something missing, and I just didn't understand why. Until I met Matt. We met randomly, back at the end of February. After a couple phone conversations, I thought, "Well, he's like this person." Then the more we talked, I thought, "Well, he may be like this person." My mom told me, "Don't compare people you date. You will never be satisfied or find someone who might just be different or when you least expect it". Wise mom. Matt told me about his family, his job, and honestly, the hook-line-and-sinker, was the way he talked about his grandpa and how much he did for him. I thought this was different, and it was nice to see how much family meant to him. We talked for awhile on the phone for a couple days, just maybe seeing if a date would come up. I knew he had an amazing smile, and we had a lot in common, including family values, working hard, and living close, with 17 miles of bay in between us. When I saw him smile for the first time, I knew there was something about him. I stopped and thought, "Aww, he looks like such a nice guy". You can tell the first time meeting him, he has a good heart and he's a good person. Our first date was me, bundling up on the ferry, because it was still that early spring/winter weather, and I was cold. He picked me up from the ferry, and carried my bag for me. We got into his car, and at first we were quiet, and I laughed. He said "what?" and I said, "I knew we would have nothing to say". He kept looking at me over and over smiling, and then he started playing "his" music. Bad 80's. I laughed the entire drive to Bethany Beach, thanks to his horrible (sorry love) singing. We stopped at the beach for a second, to look around, and it was pretty deserted, but beautiful. We stopped at his restaurant and took a tour of it, kitchen and all, and then we headed back to his house. We watched some movie or tv or something, and he kissed me, on the brown leather couch. It was sweet, long, and nice. I think I was kind of quiet for the first time that day. He had work that night, so I tagged along, sitting in the carry-out section of his restaurant, watching people come in and out for takeout or pizza. I actually served a couple salads to people, and it was fun. Later that night, we talked about relationships and all, and he said, "well aren't you?" and I said, "am i what?", he said, "well, will you be my girlfriend." And that was it. March 5th, hooked. Since March 5th, ferry rides home make me cry, ferry rides to Delaware make my a.d.d kick in and I get anxious and excited and giddy like I'm 5 years old. Every car ride, he somehow holds my hand. The way we kiss, starts off slow, then the love shows and it gets deeper. The way he stops when walking, so I can wrap my arms around him, I love. The way we have stupid nicknames for each other, and how we name our "kids" that we plan on having someday. And the way we have picked out our bridal party without an official engagement (which cracks me up) is fun. I love Matt. His family is what every bride hopes their in-laws to be. They are so sweet, kind, fun, and his sister feels like my second little sister. His cousin Justin is amazing and cooks so well, and I love his entire family. Our first couple months of dating consisted of his aunt and cousin cooking and us having American Idol nights. We went on a couple dates here and there, but I enjoy spending time next to him, holding him, him holding me, and just his over-excited look he gets over the sillyest things. When he scores a touchdown on Madden, he runs over to me, kisses me, says "YEAH HONEY!" and runs back in to his game. He calls me the seal, cause I clap weird. And he tells everyone how hard I work, and I am personally touched by that, because I do work very hard in college and work.
He is seriously a God-sent human being, and I am completely, head over heels, in love with him. We want the same things in life, love the same kind of movies (usually), and we have picked out an engagment ring already. Life moves fast, and I never, ever, thought that this all would ever happen to me. Sometimes it feels like a dream, and I never ever want to wake up. I still get scared because I fear of losing him, not due to a breakup, but anything. I can't imagine my life without him, and I can't remember my life before him. I love you Matt.....
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