It seems like every few weeks I see another reality television D-Lister or fratty D-bag in Ed Hardy merchandise. Every time I am absolutely shocked that the brand hasn’t crumbled into obscurity like its douchewear ancestor, Von Dutch. Instead, it has become a critical part of the uniform of the unlikeable (however, conveniently for the rest of us normal folk, it is also a “worthless idiot bullseye”). As such, I have posted these photos for reminders that seem to scream out in anguish, Why would anyone dress like this? and I’ve added helpful reminders of why you really, really shouldn't!

Joe Simpson will find you more sexually appealing. He might even ask you about your bra size.

Latoya will become your favorite Jackson

You will find yourself in the same category as Tara Reid.

What about “Tara Reid” didn’t you understand?

What about “Tara Reid” didn’t you understand?

Jon Gosselin will have a midlife crisis and relate to you. Then you’ll become close.

He’ll get his ears pierced and ask if you think he looks “cool” and “young.” And you’ll have to lie to his face BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT ED HARDY FRIENDS DO.

Sylvester Stallone will suggest you guys go get some “ink.” He promises you’ll look super “badass” and “relevant.” Stallone is a liar but your judgment will be impaired from all the Ed Hardy.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will invite you to be part of their staged photo-ops and if you hear even one snippet of conversation between them, your braincells will explode to the tune of “O Fortuna.”